The lawyer then asked Ronaâs husband to act as a â¦ - John Quincy Adams; A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. Your lawyer is always on your side. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to â¦ As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. And if you can't your lawyer will help you find a way to do so, by God. The stock phrases and legal terminology likely to be used in any trial scene. One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. -Criminal lawyer saying It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. The world we live in is not a safe place. Discourage litigation. Wisdom Quotes. - Robert Smith Surtees; Whoever tells the best story wins. ... quotesâ¦ You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch. âThe lawyers sit at these tables. Some of the movies are based on true stories and others on total works of fiction, but all make for very interesting entertainment. Explore 436 Lawyers Quotes by authors including Charles Dickens, Peter Diamandis, and Danny DeVito at BrainyQuote. St. Peter says to him, âYou only look about 45 years old.â âYes,â says the lawyer, âI just turned 45.â âBut our records say that you are 94 years old.â âOh,â responded the lawyer, âyou must have been looking at my billing records.â BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 â¦ Lawyers actually have a lot of fun doing what they do, and I should know. (Witness remains silent.) ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. Lawyer's Jokes "The lawyer died and went directly to the Pearly Gates. You'll never look at a court â¦ 6 - Funny Lawyer Questions. Said by the bailiff when the judge(s) enter(s). Mrs. Hill, an Australian solicitor, entered the practice of law, wrote up a will for a testatrix giving a house to the testatrixâ neighbour and friend, a Mrs. Rona Van Erp. COURT STENOGRAPHERS. His lawyer said: âPlease describe the incident that caused you to suspect your wife is unfaithful.â The husband replied: âIâm on the road all week, so naturally when Iâm home I like to be with my wife. _____ o Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give his evidence. Funny Quotes. But subsequently I observed someone running several blocks away who matched the description of the offender. Best Lawyer Story. The court clerk sits over there. Today, many courts will only do this twice a dayâonce when the judge gets on the bench â¦ LAWYER: And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duck pond? -George Bernard Shaw Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs were in the courtroom. It was only a matter of time before this tripped up some lawyer, somewhere. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Wisdom Quotes. o Witness: "I only have one, you know." from a book: Disorder in the American Courts ... Court's Disorder. ... LAWYER: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics. Check out these hilarious stories from lawyers and judges. Funny Quotations Divorce, Group 1 Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. This card is a print from one of my pen & ink drawingsâ¦ Your enemies are his enemies. Law Sayings and Quotes. Sep 15, 2019 - Explore Sue Rhodes's board "Courtroom Humor" on Pinterest. Q: Who provided you with the description? Your lawyer is warm, your lawyer is sympathetic, your lawyer makes notes on a yellow pad and nods in all the right places. Free Stuff. A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Famous Quotes and Sayings About Lawyers. It is not intended to be legal advice and you would be foolhardy to rely on it in respect to any specific situation you or an acquaintance may be facing. Before this tripped up some lawyer, somewhere a group of ninth-graders.. 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